Ex Lies

Come to me, and for the love of God come clean.
I know it must be tiring, toting different lives unseen.

I have tried to bite my tongue, and stifle this small bit of truth
But all of my efforts are useless, at just the sight of you.

I always wondered what you said...about me...our situation
Now I know, and I'm not shocked...your lies yield no hesitation

"Don't believe a word she says..." please, as if I'm the one full of crap
Rob me of my piece of mind, well I've got a picture of you with make-up, in a leopard print dress n' foofy hat

And tell me, why would I lie? Honestly?
Have you forgotten, it's my best policy?

That's why you hated me and baited me so
It hurt you a lot that I was so willing to let you go

You can call me whatever, and say how I wronged you with your sad, pathetic face
But know that I'm glad that I left you, sad I was with you, and you were happily replaced.


Dedicated to an awful boy, who expected manipulation to forever control me, and when it didn't, broke every rule of normal social conduct...diebitch1.

Like Crap On Toast

I hate being sick. It's like, here's this body that you know because you've only been stuck with it for twenty some years...and it just gives out, going haywire with headaches and nausea and dizziness...and I'm just so disappointed in it and myself, which I suppose is the same thing in some respects. I feel so guilty and lonely being sick...I think it stems back to when I was a child and I'd stay home from school and I would just stand by the window and watch the bus come gather the other, healthy children, and without hesitation, the bus would just depart without me. I hated that feeling...not so much as an afterthought. 'Where's Amanda?'...'Who??'

I don't get sick often, and even when I do, I hate allowing it to effect my life...I want to go to work, I want to get up and continue the same mundane tasks that I undoubtedly completed the day before...I don't like being holed up in bed, as much as I consider sleep a really awesome hobby, twelve hours is really pushing it.

Yesterday, I actually got sick at work...that was new for me. I was serving tables, holding my breath, just hoping that I wouldn't just puke all over everybody...and they're smoking or eating crab or taking forever and a day ordering a GD glass of wine I could've cried. Finally, I ran to the bathroom, delirious and disgusted. When I came out, I felt considerably better...but apparently, once you get physically sick, staying at work is an appalling thought to all your co-workers...so I left. I really can't afford to be leaving early like that...and even though I feel much worse today, I'm gonna go in anyways...maybe if they didn't dock you for calling in sick...maybe if I didn't rely so tremendously on my tips...maybe if I didn't feel so guilty for staying in bed all day...maybe if this headache would just go away...maybe then...

It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To...

The limo was amazing, seriously luxurious. It's pretty excellent to be escorted around town in a fancy stretch hummer doing toasts and shots. By the time we got to dinner, I was feeling all sorts of warm and fuzzies...so I stuck with water for a while. I kinda felt lame for having dinner at the bar I work at, but honestly, it's pretty much home to me, and everyone there made the whole thing so special...with balloons and confetti...an ice cream cake that's still residing in their freezer...they just really made the experience wonderful.

After that, we went downtown to spin the birthday wheel...which I won a whopping five dollars on! People started dispersing pretty quick after that, and Drew and his buddy were very much past drunk. Then we went to the local hot spot for ladies night, The Blvd...I can't really grasp why it's so damn 'hip'...it's small...they play loud, obnoxious music...it's not even kind of sanitary...and it's overly crowded...hence it being the place to be. We ran into more people from work, some who I'm not too fond of, but we made nice and danced for a bit anyways.

Then I see this girl, who also works with us...now, I've heard she's really funny and nice and blah blah blah, but I don't really give a rats ass what the common opinion of her is...because whenever I see her while she's not on the clock, my ex is usually right in tow. I did a quick scan of the bar, which wasn't hard considering the place is the size of a Burger King...and sure enough, there he was. I went into a blind panic...must leave...get Drew...LEAVE! I quickly found him and explained the situation with very few words...and him being drunk...all he understood was that we were leaving. As we were walking through the bar to the exit, I see him right in our path, and I tell Drew, 'just keep walking!' He happily does so, still oblivious as to why we're going anywhere anyways. He walks right next to him, brushing shoulders and everything...and doesn't notice him at all. We got a cab and got home...and after a bit of talking he finally understands what happened, which of course sent him into a aggressive rage..."You should have told me, we would've kicked his ass! What would he have done?? Maybe then he'll learn not to do shit like that to people!!" I felt awful, because my ex managed to kill my birthday celebration by just being there...and if Drew hadn't been there, I would have stayed and continued partying...but I know when Drew drinks, he gets aggressive and likes the idea of taking the law into his own hands, and that's the last thing I wanted to go down on my birthday. So we spent the remainder of the evening arguing about my ex and I end up in tears...yup, on my birthday.

Even so, best birthday ever! =)

Drew and I at dinner.

Cameron, me, and Drew in the back of the limo.

Maneuvering through the limo.

Mike and I.

Me and Drew, lookin all fancy!

Patti, me, and Drew at dinner.

Smiling pretty!

Loved Patti's pink hair!

Gorgeous Angela and I cruisin in our ride!