I Wouldn't Call It Regret.

Yesterday was a bad day for me.

I worked an eleven and a half hour shift, with some little twit of a girl who just didn't care about her job performance. We clean hotel rooms...which is no cake walk...but it's not brain surgery either. This girl cleaned 3 rooms in eight hours...and not well! I just wanted to fire her, but don't have the authority...and I really didn't see a point into calling her aside and saying, "I'm gonna need you to start caring and, ya know, maybe trying." I'm guessing she's about 18 or 19 years old and she's never had a job and that she really doesn't like 'working.' That's just great. So I spent my very long, taxing day, picking up after this child...who actually went out of her way to rinse out dirty coffee cups and simply replace them in the room. So yeah, after work, I was pretty livid, to say the least.

Then I went to say bye to Drew, who had been pulled to the Woodlands kitchen because it was so busy. I get down there and I see the mayhem and the stress and food just dying in the window...and after working almost twelve hours prior, my heart ached to be a part of this insanity...to feel the sense of accomplishment after running my butt off and the rewarding feeling of counting out my tips at the end of the night. I miss serving...the customers, the interaction, the feeling of knowing I'm great at what I'm doing and proving it time and again.

I know I chose to leave this world behind...and I know I wouldn't be happy if I hadn't...and I know that the path I chose is stable and reliable...and yet, still I yearn.

Drew doesn't like to see me 'wanting' to be a server...and I really don't blame him, I was miserable. But it was never the serving, it was the management...which is exactly why I chose to be a supervisor, so I could be part of the solution...ahh, enlightenment, glad I found you! Took my whole self-pity spew to have that revelation!

Bun In The Oven

I'm 17 weeks pregnant! I've been keeping a little diary about all my little feelings and anticipations, but nothing really sharable or interesting. So, I figured I'd do a quick(ish) rundown.

Everything has been going marvelously, with zero morning sickness or mood swings (considering I find justification for each teeny-tiny outburst I've had). I do have this really excellent back pain...with an awesome dash of acne! I kept the pregnancy to myself and close friends and family until we were safely into the second trimester...which hasn't been hard, since my baby bump is practically nonexistent! And I swear, I'm gonna start selling tickets to the 'Watch Amanda Grow Fat' show...cuz everybody wants to see it! Haha.

My due date is October 2nd...that's right, little baby T.J. is gonna be my birthday present!! Boy or girl, the initials will be T.J., which totally wasn't planned...but quite convenient. ;)

I'm slowly coming to terms with the frightening realization that I'm a total worry-wort. I'm so concerned about the health and well-being of our child. I know there's really not much I can do to prevent any issues, but of course I worry anyhow.

Ultimately we want a healthy little baby, but if given a choice, Drew would like a boy...and I would like a boy, just so baby number two (no plans of yet, just sayin) can be whatever it wants! :) I dream it's a boy, but have a feeling it's a girl. But honestly, just a happy, healthy baby, boy or girl, will be one adored little babe!! We've been busy nesting like crazy...from painting the nursery's yellow walls and a blue ceiling with little puffy clouds...to setting up the changing table and glider chair (the crib still awaits in its box).

I switched to day shift a few weeks back, which has been really great, work-wise...but relationship-wise, it's rough. I'm exhausted by the time Drew gets home, and am off to work before he wakes up. Today, he stayed up all night playing video games (which typically means his mind won't shut off), and when I came down at six in the morning, there he was, showering me with his love and how much he misses me. Awe! I'm soo thankful that we have the same days off...I don't think I could manage without those two days of heaven-on-earth each week.

Life is just so perfect and I'm happier than I've ever imagined possible! Drew and I have some great plans in store for the next few months...and we're looking forward to enjoying each others company while it's still just the two of us! :]

Goodbye For Now

So, my Grandfather lost his struggle last Monday night. With my Grandmother holding his hand and wishing him farewell, he became relaxed and his breathing slowed. His eyes, though shallow, gazed at my Grandma with love and yearning. He seemed excepting, yet resistant that this time was upon him...but she insisted that she would see him again and that we all knew where he was going. It was beautifully tragic, as he finally let go. When his gasps for air slowed to a halt, the room was left silent for a blink of a moment, before everyone burst into sobs.

He was a miraculous man, and will always be remembered as Mr. Go-To. It's heartbreaking to think that he'll never accompany us on our treks to Thailand, but I'm glad we have those memories to hold onto. I had a dream night before last, and he was laughing and being mischievous as always. I miss you Grandpa...rest in peace!

William Ernest DeWitt

(Age 81)

On March 29th, surrounded by his family, Bill went home to be with the Lord, after suffering a stroke while in California about six weeks earlier. He is survived by his wife of 61 years Lucile (Downey); four children Tim (Chusri) DeWitt, Ben (Colleen) DeWitt, Jan (Tom) Hodl, Joy (Don) Calkins; 10 grandchildren; 20 great-grandchildren and sisters Betty Curry and Sue (Vic) Pfau. He was preceded in death by his brothers Bob and Tom. Bill was born in Daisy, Washington July 29, 1928 to Earnest andHazel DeWitt. He graduated from Columbia High School in Hunters,Washington. In 1952 he hired out on Northern Pacific Railroad as afireman and retired as an engineer after 38 years from BurlingtonNorthern Railroad. Bill and Lucile spent the next 20 winters as "Snowbirds", returning home each spring to their same south hill home of 52 years. He is fondly remembered to all as a master mechanic, willing to help any and all wherever he went. His big heart was filled with love for his family and many friends. We are richly blessed to have had him in our life and he will be greatly missed. To continue celebrating the memory of his life, please join us on Tuesday, April 6th at 11:00 A.M. at Glad Tidings Assembly of God, 4224 E. 4th Avenue.

My father, Tim DeWitt, William's oldest son, was stationed in Germany when we were children. Grandpa was sure to visit, and even at the tender age of four, I was keen enough to know that Grandpa coming to see us meant I was going to get ice cream. :)

People frown in disgust when I state that one of my favorite meals is tuna gravy on waffles...but I stand by it proudly!

He came with us on every trip back to Thailand...where my mother's side of the family is...and although her family is quite large, Grandpa's family over there extends far beyond our blood ties. He took his early morning strolls through the marketplace as always, and yet the language barrier never posed a problem with his astute ability to make friends and comrades through his travels.

Grandpa, you're a capable, honest, amazing man, who I hold great respect for. I will forever cherish you're mischievous nature and 'cat-got-the-canary' grin dearly. I love you Grandpa, and will miss you greatly!

Truly~ Amanda (Mandy) DeWitt