The days are getting longer, and with those added minutes of light, our optimism grows.
I’m excited for Spring Break and Summer Vacation, to get to spend time with the kids. My work pretty much keeps me from them all weekend, so I see them primarily after school on weekdays…and they’re getting to the point that they’re aware of the Friday night giddiness of knowing their week is behind them and the Sunday slump of knowing their week’s now ahead of them. I wanna be part of the excitement!
For Christmas, I gave everyone dates with me. For Tim, an escape room date with a Ramen dinner, which Drew ended up subbing in for me. For Levi, a Pinot’s Pallet painting date and a sushi dinner. And Vince’s is going to be during Spring Break, a Polka Dot pottery painting date and he wants to go to Market Street Pizza for dinner. I’m excited for that! For Drew, a date to John Mulaney’s comedy show in LA! I’m super pumped about that! We’re gonna fly there and back first class and hopefully hit Universal Studios Harry Potter World!
We also scheduled our trip to New York to visit Ma and Papa this summer, no first class for that though. Ha. And then I’m planning a trip to an all inclusive resort in Mexico for a friends wedding summer of ‘25. So much to look forward to!
Drew’s working on his sobriety. He’s been attending AA meetings and asked his friend and former trainer Benny to be his sponsor. He said there’s an aura he feels sitting in a room with a bunch of people who aren’t perfect but are still choosing to make good decisions, who are there because they want to be and know that it’s more of a need than a want. That the shame that he typically feels in association with being an addict isn’t as forefront when he’s among peers who know these shameful moments can now be lessons to learn from and not just guilt and embarrassment that haunt them from the inside. I’m proud of him, of course, but if I’m being completely honest…it’s all a little triggering. I’ve been to this horse and pony show before…I’ve seen the ending and I don’t like it. Do I get my hopes up, for something I have little to no control over…do I hope this time is different, because success is possible with the attempt…do I invest my hope and longing into this, again? Because if he fails…if he relapses…part of me grows bitter. Bitter with broken promises…bitter with the selfishness this attempt required…bitter with the fear that this addiction is bigger than he is, stronger than he is, and one day will just take him from me, as quick and unwavering as a lost hand in Blackjack. He said “You deserve better.” He’s never said that before, it’s usually just a voice in my head that assures me that. He’s never been so adamant about his willingness to be and stay sober before. He’s never talked about sobriety being a forever necessity before or how it takes a village mentality before. Maybe this isn’t the same horse and pony show I caught time and time again…maybe this one’s different…maybe this one attempt will be the last, because it’s the successful one. Maybe every call I make to him from work on my breaks on Friday and Saturday and Sunday and Monday…maybe those calls will be lucid and sober calls, unproblematic calls, typical and average calls that don’t send me into a tailspin of worry and doubt kind of calls. Awe, dare to dream…dare to hope…dare to stand by his side as he again tries to face this demon.
My friend Nikole is going through it…honestly, she’s never not. That poor girl is always battling something…from her ex, to her oldest daughter…she never gets a break. She recently took an ancestry test and learned she’s predisposed to breast and ovarian cancer. The doctor she used to work for rushed to her aid and their team did a full mastectomy on her on Tuesday. She just got her paths yesterday and the mass they found was benign, but she did have precancerous cells. Good news overall! So now she won’t have to deal with radiation or chemo and just get straight into the reconstruction of her breasts…which will be a year long process. Soon she’ll need a full hysterectomy too, but she made it sound like that’s a while down the road. She said essentially the ancestry test saved her life, and might do the same for her mom and grandma! And thankfully, preventative surgeries are fully covered by her insurance!
