In the past few years, I've watched my best friend, Krystle, go from a somewhat wreck-loose kid to a mature adult. She got pregnant, which honestly worried me at the time...little did I know, that it was a total blessing in disguise. She got married, moved to Florida, and hasn't looked back. I'm so proud of her! I've arranged to go visit her in August, which I'm greatly looking forward to...but I got an email the other day, that just curved my enthusiasm. In it, she explained her transformation and that it had everything to do with God and her relationship with him and that God is her life now. She said she just wanted me to be aware before I came to visit her...but I already knew that, so I'm not sure if she was perhaps trying to call me out...I'm not religious.
I went to church for Easter when I was about nine years old, which was a rare occurrence, church. During this particular service, being Easter and all, they showed the "Death of Christ"...with strobe/flash lighting during a whipping scene with (I assume now) ketchup, being flung around in such a traumatic dramatization...I was nine, and terrified. I didn't understand how this whole ordeal was to be considered holy. So like I said, I'm not religious.
I don't judge people by their skin color, their gender, their religious beliefs, or their political stance...I judge people for who they are and how they live their lives. I respect people who live their life in a happy, health, honest manner.
The thought of God and heaven is a really nice thought...but I honestly can't say I know God. So, until I do, I will continue living my life with my full potential...I will continue trying to make every day heaven on earth...and if there is a God, then he knows that and more importantly, he knows me...and if he deems me undeserving of Heaven...then it's a heaven I want nothing to do with. I don't think a person can be absolutely ugly throughout their life, killing people, hurting people...and then repent and call it good. I live my life with no need to repent...I am not ashamed of myself or my past and don't wish to ask for forgiveness, because mistakes are to be made, and one can only hope to learn from them, and rise above them in the end.
I do consider prayers a very sanctified act. I've only prayed twice in my adult life...you know, after all the high school praying that I did in hopes for bigger boobs! Yeah, since then, prayers have become kinda sacred to me...it's not a shooting star or lit birthday candles, it's not a wish...to me, it's a plea for a divine intervention that I believe is to be well deserved (which isn't quite the word I want to use, but I can't think of a better one at the moment) for the person(s) I'm praying for. I don't pray for a new car, or a new job, or even to be happy...those I see within my capabilities. The first time I prayed was about three or four years ago, for my ex AJ's grandpa when he had a heart attack, never saw AJ cry before...now seeing him cry wouldn't trigger a sympathetic bone in my body, but anyways. I feel so awful for some of my co-workers who are dealing with some honestly tragic drama (terminal cancer...amputations), what a rough reality they have!...so I've been praying for them to have the strength to get through it...they're good people...their situations are the definition of unfair. But, I don't know...life doesn't really take fairness into account...it just is what it is sometimes.
I love Krystle, and really hope us not being of the same wave of mystical and spiritual thought, won't be something that comes between us...and yet, I worry still.
1 comment:
it won't come between you. trust me. i may not know krystle, but from what you've said, she's a great person. and knowing what its like to be a christian, i can say she won't let it come between you two. so stop worrying lady!
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