Hello Spade

Life's been so amazing lately...free from nonsense and drama...from noise.

I just recently decided to give this medical transcription idea a rest...which was a difficult decision to make. I hate starting something and not following through with it, (especially when it involves a good deal of money), but to be completely honest, I made that goal when I was at a very low point at work. It was so stressful and filled with such chaos...and somehow it was my responsibility to wrangle the mayhem and also have it perceived that there was no mayhem to wrangle. School and being a MT was my answer. But now, having found my way out of my work nightmare and into quite a dream of sorts...school's felt like an unnecessary battle. And with Timmy demanding all my attention, it's become pretty impossible. Forget that all the material is teaching me isn't at all something I want to learn, let alone something I actually think I'm capable of learning if I truly wanted to...but that I don't have the time. I was considering packing up my computer and hitting the library and getting school work done that way...but then I realized that if I can't focus on the school work at home, how on earth am I to actually work from home? Here I am, working, taking care of my little man, trying to keep a clean house, and do school...only to accomplish everything but school, leading me to feel like a failure. I couldn't bask in the fact that I had all the household chores done, the garden planted and weeded, Timmy's clothes organized and packed up after he'd outgrown them, my closets cleared of clothes I no longer wear packed up for good-will...because I had this constant little gray cloud hovering over me. If I didn't have my son to handle, I'm sure I could have done this and probably rather well...but my world isn't built on "if only's" and I need to call this spade a spade.