More Than Acquaintances

I'm so sick and tired of this whole 'friendship' nonsense. I think it's near impossible for me to manage an honest friendship or comrade. I'm in my mid-twenties, and the whole orchestration of it all is truly mind-boggling to me.

I suppose a lot of the problem is that my life seems to revolve around work...in which case, every bit of drama that's at all possible is almost assured to happen...and then speedily networks its way around to everyone...so every friend I try to make there already has a predisposed notion of who I am, and sometimes, I almost think they have a hidden agenda...like, 'Lets get the real dirt straight from the horse's mouth,' kind of agenda.

I want to be able to trust people and consider them to be genuine in the person they parade themselves to be...and I'd even go so far as to say, I'm too trusting. But I've gotten stabbed in the back so many times by people I held dear to me, that I pretty much need re-constructive surgery to ever be normal again. It hurts. To know that people, who you at one time would do anything for, can so easily dismiss you and even turn against you...and then take the precious time to turn all of their people against you by spreading fabricated propaganda to their tiny little minds to twist your image every which way.

I suppose this might be a little harsh...maybe even unfair...but I doubt it. I mean, statistically speaking, it's 5 to 2, the odds being in favor of the friends-to-foe. And those five are strictly the bottom of the barrel crap friends, versus the two wonderful friends (not counting family, naturally) who've proven to have my back at the darkest of times...if I were to add in the people who chose to float somewhere in between, the numbers would be painful...so I won't clutter the numbers with the 'kinda-sorta-in-betweeners.'

I don't know...I guess I'm just tired of searching for something, that in all honesty, seems as though it should be so simple. Where are all of the people who consider honesty a necessity...who are true...who clearly see the lines of right and wrong...who pride themselves in the ability to look into the mirror and respect the person looking back...where are you all??